A life without any regrets
by Suuzumii
Summary: Fighting for your friends. Who knew it was so hard? I thought I became stronger, strong enough to face the path I chose. But I was mistaken, I was just the old me who depended on others... -Two-shot-


**Gakuen Alice Fanfiction**

**A life without any regrets**

**-Two-shot-**

**Summary:** Fighting for your friends. Who knew it was so hard? I thought I became stronger, strong enough to face the path I chose. But I was mistaken, I was just the old me who depended on others...

**Suu: **This is my first fan-fiction… I hope you like it~

**Natsume:** Disclaimer… Suu doesn't own Gakuen Alice and never will, she doesn't deserve it.

**Suu: **Hey! *tries to calm down and then smiles* All rights belong to Tachibana Higuchi-sensei!

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_I hate you!_

_Why did you have to be born?_

_Why do you have to steal my freedom? Now I can't face my friends anymore!_

_Why? Why? Why?_

_Why did you have to be like that?_

_You coward!_

I felt sweat coming down from my face and I was hugging my chest tightly… It hurts so much… This is getting even worse… I even had the feeling that in any moment I will start crying. I slowly opened my eyes… I felt that my life was shortening even more, every time I slept, I had a nightmare, and every time I wake up, I feel like they stabbed a knife against my head… I looked at my alarm-clock. '4 o'clock, huh?'

I stood up slowly, gosh; the wounds really are a pain… I changed into the school uniform, brushed my hair, jumped to a tree nearby to get out of the dorms and walked towards a Sakura tree, actually, the Sakura tree I always go after finishing my… let's call it business… I sat down while leaning my back in the trunk. To calm down, I remembered moments with my friends in Alice Academy, "Will I be able to live more than 3 days?" I whispered to myself while some tears streamed down my face. I felt so tired… Without realizing it, I feel asleep…

_A calm place, where everything I could see were colourful flowers, a whirlwind which was turning slowly around, and at a distance a Sakura tree. Where someone was waiting for someone. I walked slowly towards it but accidentally fell and the person came to help me with a smile on his face, I was speechless because of his kindness, the only thing I could say was 'Thank you'. He helped me reach my goal, reach the Sakura Tree and then I felt my eyes closing and that I will sleep there forever. _

I could felt that my mouth curve into a weak but real smile. 'At last a nice dream…' I thought… I heard the sound of water, it was like music for my ears, and slowly I opened my eyes. And now I could see the rain pouring big amounts of water in the flowery garden and filling the roofs of the school buildings with water, condensation on the windows and children running through… 'It's been so long since I've seen the rain…' I stood up and started dancing in the rain...

* * *

_Onii-chan… Are you ok?_

_Do you need help?_

_Thanks so much for the present._

_Can you take me to the park we always played when we were little?_

_I'll never forget this day!_

I opened my eyes and the slowly stood up. 'Aoi…' I thought about my little sister, her fifth birthday, when I gave her a teddy and she smiled and bothered me all day long to go wherever she wanted. It was a great day indeed… Lately, it feels so calm. Thank god Persona wasn't bothering me anymore with so many missions… I looked at my watch. It said 3:30 so I decided to take a shower and then dress up with the school uniform.

I walked outside the dorms and looked up to the sky, it was so dark… I guess today's a rainy day. I went to the Northern Woods to take a little walk and then went to my Sakura Tree. I climbed the tree and sat down on a branch… I felt the breeze blowing my hair softly, and the moonlight was so nice...

When I was about to close my eyes and sleep a bit, I heard some footsteps. What I first saw was a girl with the school uniform, later I could see that she had a beautiful loose brunette hair…

And then I saw her face, it was Mikan, but I could feel something strange in her, I don't really know if she was sad or worried or just acting, Mikan changed so much, before she was like an open book, you could read easily her feelings and thoughts, but now she was more serious and didn't depend so much on her friends.

"Will I be able to live more than 3 days?" I heard her say while sobbing. What? Did she just say she was going to die? Why didn't anyone notice? Why? I couldn't stop asking questions inside my mind. Is it a lie? My expressionless face turned into a worried face.

I jumped down the tree. But when I faced her, she was asleep. Somehow I could feel that she was a bit happy and I could see a small smile on her face. I kissed her forehead and then went back to the dorms. 'I'll ask her later about it…' I thought.

I entered to my Special Star Room and jumped onto my king-sized bed. I couldn't stop thinking about Mikan._ "Will I be able to live more than 3 days?" _Those words and that tone of voice were so… so honest… I somehow felt guilty… I closed my eyes and decided to sleep…

"_A naïve girl like you should stay in the light and out of the dark."_

"_Thanks, but it's my decision to be in the light or in the dark."_

"_You idiot…"_

"_Thanks…"_

I could hear the rain, I could feel coldness, and when I opened my eyes and went to a window nearby, I could see the rain pouring in the school garden and condensation in the windows.

'It's raining, so I guess she's already back in her room.' I thought while opening the door and went to Mikan's room. I knocked twice. But no one answered. I then opened the door, which apparently was unlocked, and saw no one inside…

'That idiot didn't come back; she sure knows how to worry people…' I didn't think it twice. I ran towards the place where I last saw her, the Sakura Tree.

When I arrived, I could hear a sweet but sad melody, and I could see Mikan dancing in the rain with a smile on her face. Now that I think about it, it's been two weeks since the last time it rained like this.

* * *

I closed my eyes and started to sing and remember everything I lived in my life in the Academy, forgetting about everything I had around me, forgetting about how I will explain my situation to everyone, forgetting about the weather, forgetting about everything but memories of the Academy

**The lights go out all around me  
One last candle to keep out the night**

_I remembered the day I asked Persona to let me join the Dangerous Ability Class, it was to help Natsume, but still I lied to him and told him that I joined because they discovered my second alice, Steal Erase Copy and Insertion Alice by accident, while instead it was me who showed them that ability… I joined the Dangerous Ability Class to take most of his missions. _

_I thought that was enough, I helped him, and that was my wish but when Natsume asked me out. It was like a dream come true… I couldn't help but say yes and hug him so tight that I didn't want to let him go, I wanted to stay like that forever._

**And then the darkness surrounds me  
I know I'm alive  
But I feel like I died  
And all that's left is to accept that it's over**

_I know my dream of living forever with the people I love is impossible and everything has an ending, but that dream turned out to 'change'. I hope everyone I love live a Happy Ending. I know that everything never lasts forever, but I really want to live… _

_When I see Hotaru happy when she is with her brother and Ruka, that made me also happy. _

_When I see Anna-chan and Nonoko-chan playing together and laughing, that made me happy. _

_When I am teasing Permy and she teases me back, I felt happy… _

_When I saw Koko and Kitsuneme playing pranks on others, I kind of felt happy…_

_They have changed to good, even if I was the one who changed for bad…_

**My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made  
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder  
I feel like I'm slipping away**

_When I lie to my friends, when I lie to Hotaru, when I lie to Ruka, when I lie to Natsume, when I lie to my friends, I feel so guilty… But happy at the same time… See them smile, see them having fun. I promised myself that I'll make them smile forever._

_I feel like I was escaping the truth I chose the path of doing whatever thing to make others happy even if I get hurt._

**After all this has passed  
I still will remain  
After I've cried my last  
There'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain**

'_You can never change the past but the future.' That's what I was thinking; I will help my friends until the end. I smiled at that thought. Even if I have to get through the pain, wounds, being hospitalized I didn't mind. Living my last years of life with them, was just enough for me…_

**My whole world is the pain inside me  
The best I can do is just get through the day  
When life before is only a memory**

_Even if I was doing those tough missions, thinking about my friends, gave me courage, the only I thought about was going back to the Academy, because I knew my friends were waiting for me. And I didn't want to make my friends cry. That would be just selfish…_

**I wonder why God lets me walk through this place  
And though I can't understand why this happened  
I know that I will when I look back someday**

_At first, when I was doing missions, and realized my life was shortening, I just cursed it; I thought it was a punishment God gave me…_

_But then when I saw Natsume opening to the others and smiling a bit more, I realized it was a punishment, but an exchange, I thought it was fair enough, a bit of selflessness, isn't it?_

**And see how you've brought beauty from ashes  
And made me as gold purified through these flames**

_Every time you say to me 'I love you'. I can't stop flushing crimson red, smile at you with my best smile, hug you tightly and then kiss you. Just for a moment... I felt like being the luckiest girl in the world._

**After all this has passed  
I still will remain  
After I've cried my last  
There'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain**

_I know…_

_I can't change the fact that I'm going to die before than expected,_

_I can't change the fact that I'm going to carry on fighting for your good_

_I can't change the fact that I'm going to leave this world sooner or later._

_I can't change the fact that I'm going to leave my body behind._

_But I can assure you I will never stop living in your hearts._

_I want to make you feel happiness, make your dreams come true, even if I am not here; I know you are all strong._

**Here I am at the end of me  
Trying to hold to what I can't see  
I forgot how to hope  
This night's been so long  
I cling to your promise  
There will be a dawn**

_Every night, I have a nightmare, but you are there in my dreams so it somehow makes me smile at the thought of dreaming with the person I love the most. Even if at the end of my life, I still think about you… I wonder why…_

_I realized you were not my weakness that makes me hesitate when I'm killing people, thinking that you will never accept me how I am, but you were my reason to live, even though it hurts so much. I want to see you… I feel empty when I'm alone and alive when you're beside me, it's just a feeling I can't describe it with any other person. Maybe that's the power of 'love'_

While I was singing and dancing in the rain I could hear some footsteps. Someone was approaching… But I carried on singing.

**After all this has passed  
I still will remain  
After I've cried my last  
There'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain**

_After all these adventures._

_All those memories will remain. I'll never forget them._

_Your smiles, your hugs and your kisses._

_After I've cried all this nights,_

_I know you were there always the next day to help me out._

_A smile from you is everything I need._

_I'll never lose hope, I'll walk forwards._

_I'll do whatever I need to make a light in your heart…_

I closed my eyes slowly… I could feel the breeze lifting my hair softly. And the rain still pouring but stopping little by little. Then I opened my eyes.**  
**

To my surprise, it was none other than Natsume who I was facing…I could see that he was worried and sweating, Was he looking for me all this time? What happened exactly? My heart was feeling many different emotions, I didn't know which one was the exact one, I felt happiness, at the same time I could also feel sadness, his eyes were to lifeless, I don't know, he looked so sad, that I felt my heart was going to break, I didn't know what to say. I finally knew what to do…

* * *

"Hi, Natsume!" the brunette greeted him with a warm smile on her face. Her voice had a hint of sadness, and the raven-haired boy realised this.

He looked away, he felt pain, he didn't know what to tell her, he didn't know how to face her, and those words which he heard in the morning were repeated several times in his head. He felt guilty.

"Natsume?" the brunette repeated his name while walking towards him, she was waiting for a reply, but the raven-haired boy didn't move, he was lost in his thoughts.

Then Mikan wrapped her arms around Natsume's waist… and hugged Natsume tightly…

"What happened? Are you alright?" the brunette asked him in a low soft and worried tone, her eyes showed concern.

"W-Why didn't you tell me anything? Why? I thought you trusted me and… promised me that you will never do something reckless…" he finally said. Mikan looked up and asked... "What are you talking about?

"'_Will I be able to live more than 3 days?_' That's what I'm talking about." He answered with now a serious voice. Mikan let go off him and walked backwards, she had a face in which her eyes showed sadness but still smiled.

"You heard me? I'm such an idiot." She whispered loud enough for Natsume to hear, while putting her hand over her forehead. Her eyes became a bit teary…

* * *

I couldn't believe Natsume was actually _there_ and at _that_ moment. I could feel my eyes went teary, I saw everything burry, and I put my hands over my eyes and bent my knees. To be honest, I don't to admit it but… I'm afraid of dying… I don't want to leave my friends… Even though this was the path I chosen… I am scared…

I thought I became stronger, I thought I was strong enough to face the future I chose. But I was wrong… I am still the me that is clumsy, naïve, and depends on others…

Then I felt some arms around me, it was so warm… He wiped my tears with this thumb carefully and then I calmed down a bit…

* * *

**Suu: **STOP! I'm not going to write more than this. Just wait for the next chapter! This is just the 'explanation' and the other chapter is the 'real story'. Did you like the chapter? Yes or no? I accept all types of reviews. Just be honest~

**The song **which appeared here was **Beauty From Pain - by Superchick **(It's one of the bests songs ever, I recommend it :3)

By the way, here's the** next chapter's preview**:

_**-**'It's Ok; you don't need to tell me…'_

_**-**'Onee-chan… Are you alright?'_

_**-**'Mikan-chan! What are you doing here?'_

See ya later.

Suu Shimizu


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